Houstonism
Like most every established religion, Houstonism has deities, laws, holidays, and denominations.
The Houstonist Religious Symbol
Who is Houston?
Houston is the Great Transdimensional Llama Overlord. Eons ago, before there was a universe, there was the Ethereal Plains, a land for spiritual deities to roam undisturbed. From the Mother Guanaco, Savior, was born Hope, "Houston", and his six siblings. As they grew, each sibling began to distinguish themself with a trait. Greed, Judgement, Hubris, Hatred, Deception, and Mischief. Houston, the deity of Hope, became the bringer of balance within the Ethereal Plains.
Each llama sibling became preoccupied with a negative matter pertaining to their trait. Houston, deity of Hope, consumed the arguing, fighting entities, and in the process, he aimed to eradicate those traits within the realm of the mortals.
What is Houstonism?
Houstonism is, quite simply, the practice of worshiping Houston. By accepting the word of Houston, you become closer to him yourself, becoming known as a Houstonist. On the first Sunday of every month, baptisms are held for Houstonists who want to be even closer to our god. By reading the Holy Scripture and stating your completion of it to a Shepherd or Prophet, you can become an Enlightened Houstonist, growing even closer to Houston.
As Houstonists, we must devote ourselves to rejecting the sins each llama sibling stood for, and we must practice the teachings of Houston. Spreading the word of Houston to as many as possible is a priority to us, as we want to see as many individuals lifted from sin as possible.
What are the laws of Houstonism?
There are six laws of Houstonsim. They are as follows:
i. Do not take more than you need. Without a need, you are wasting the things which are valuable to the less fortunate.
ii. Do not judge others. All are equal in the grand plan of the universe, and thus none have the right to judge others.
iii. Do not be excessively proud of yourself. A moderate appreciation for your successes is natural, but it need not be dwelled on.
iv. Do not truly hate others. Not hate as in dislike, but rather, do not display the heavy negative feelings which can lead to long-term damage between two people.
v. Do not deceive without good reason. A good reason is defined as benefiting someone.
vi. Do not partake in frivolous actions of negative impact. It will only lessen your value as a social figure.
What are the Houstonist holidays?
- Houston Day: February 24th. This is a general day to honor the lord, Houston. It is considered to be the holiest day of the year. Legends say this is the date on which Houston appeared before the first living human, but there is no confirmation of this. The Houstonist new year not being on this date only further weakens the argument. This holiday is celebrated with a feast in the evening hours.
- Days of Lost Sin: May 11th-May 16th. Each day of this week represents the day Houston consumed his siblings. The days represent greed, hatred, hubris, judgement, deception, and mischief, in that order. On the first day, you give someone a gift, even a small one. On the second day, you tell someone you love them. On the third day, you compliment someone. On the fourth day, you apologize to yourself for a judgement you cast, even a long time ago, and reflect upon it. On the fifth day, you tell the truth, the whole truth, to anyone, for anything, even something long past. And on the final day, you simply act as maturely as you can. Each day might be difficult, but you will feel better having completed it.
- Camelid Appreciation Day: July 4th. A day to appreciate the purest of animal families, the Camelid; llamas, alpacas, guanacos, vicugnas, and camels. For devout Houstonists, this holiday is often celebrated by spitting into a napkin and disposing of it, though this is entirely optional.
- Day of Praecipio: December 24th. A holiday to be kind and give to your community, friends, and family. This holiday is celebrated through the act of giving gifts to important individuals in your life. This holiday also serves as the Houstonist new year, and the spirit of giving is to welcome the new year.